The Company You Keep: A Crash Course on Healthy Relationships
- jebuvivet
- Apr 26
- 6 min read
Dear reader, there was a time when I believed that everyone who smiled at me or showed some warmth was a friend. Those were days of deep naivety—ones I’ve outgrown with gratitude. Relationships, in their broadest sense, are connections we form with others where energy, emotions, experiences, and expectations are exchanged. Every relationship we encounter in life tends to carry one of two traits: it will either mould you into a better version of yourself or break you into pieces, pulling apart every detail you once used to define who you are. In today’s post, we’re taking a crash course on healthy relationships—exploring the different types, how to recognise them and how to engage them with intention.
Defining Healthy Relationships
Most of the relationships we nourish are ones we choose, while others are inherited. Some are born out of circumstance. Some offer deep companionship, while others provide support or even necessary lessons. With that in mind, it’s important to highlight what a healthy relationship looks like.
Healthy relationships:
Respect boundaries.
Honour mutual respect.
Maintain balance.
A relationship that constantly drains you, demanding more than you’re willing or capable of giving, is not one you’re meant to carry. That’s a red flag—a sign the relationship is anything but healthy.
It’s also crucial to note: a relationship cannot be the sole source of your happiness, nor should you be expected to fuel someone else’s happiness, especially not a romantic partner’s. Happiness is something we cultivate inwardly—not for others, nor through ideologies or materialism. Once cultivated, happiness is shared outwardly, radiating into the spaces we fill—not the other way around.
Before we go further, I want to add a deeper truth here—one that’s been pivotal in my own growth: authenticity.
You have to be real with yourself first. Know who you are, what you value, and where your boundaries lie.
Only when you're true to yourself can you, without hesitation, honestly categorise your relationships and identify the ones that are likely to last. Being able to pull out the weeds—or discern which connections are deeply rooted versus those that are just weak branches—can save you a lot of time and heartache. Let’s be honest: not everyone plays the same role or adds the same kind of value. This level of self-awareness will dictate the relationships you attract and the ones you choose to nurture.
They can be:
Romantic
Social (platonic, spiritual)
Business Allies (professional)
Chosen Family
Situational (those who come and go with the seasons)
No one person can meet all your needs. That’s not their job, and it’s neither fair nor realistic to expect it. This is why it’s so important to pay attention to how someone behaves in different scenarios—it reveals the role they’re equipped to play in your life.
And while we may not like to admit it, some relationships do begin—or evolve—around mutual needs. The key is clarity. Not all relationships are transactional, but every connection should offer some form of value, whether it's growth, support, or a shift in perspective.
While we’ve touched on various types of relationships, there’s one I chose to set aside until now—often treated as a given, rarely questioned, and accepted without conversation: the relationships we inherit, particularly those bound by blood.
Rethinking Inherited Relationships
I strongly believe this category of relationship deserves a section of its own, because there’s a common belief that if we inherit a relationship, we’re obligated to maintain it. Family isn’t a term I use loosely anymore either—because it’s not about shared blood, but about shared safety, mutual respect, and reciprocal growth. True family are the people who see you, support you, and stand beside you without condition.
Being blood-related doesn’t automatically make someone family in any sense. More often than not, it’s the burden of the “but we’re family” mindset that keeps us stuck in harmful cycles, acting out of duty rather than love. It can be these same ties that lead us to neglect ourselves and make sacrifices that slowly chip away at our well-being, because they often carry the most emotional weight. Being blood-related means very little if the connection damages your spirit.
It’s okay to release yourself from the grip of relatives who harm, belittle, or break you. Yes, that includes parents too. If a particular relationship does not nurture your growth, protect your peace, or align with who you’re becoming, then you are allowed—without guilt—to choose peace over proximity. It may not be easy, but know this: it will be okay if you let them go.
How to Engage Each Type of Relationship in a Healthy Way
Understanding the type of relationship you're in is only the beginning—how you engage with it makes all the difference. Whether chosen or inherited, your approach can be rooted in intentionality, self-awareness, and emotional maturity.
For Chosen Relationships:
These are the connections you opt into—friends, romantic partners, business collaborators, even mentors. Here are ways to engage with them in a healthy way:
Be clear on your values. Know what matters to you so you’re not compromising core parts of yourself to belong or be liked.
Set boundaries early. Don’t wait for a line to be crossed before defining where it is.
Communicate your needs. Healthy people don’t expect you to suffer in silence. Speak up, respectfully and honestly.
Observe their energy, not just their words. Actions reveal consistency, intentions, and alignment.
Give what you’d like to receive. Mutual respect, time, and effort should be reciprocal, not one-sided.
Engaging with chosen relationships this way ensures that you're not just present—you’re participating from a place of self-respect.
For Inherited Relationships:
These include relatives, or anyone you didn’t exactly choose but are culturally or emotionally tied to. Engaging with inherited relationships takes a different kind of grace and discernment.
Accept them for who they are, not who you wish they were. This creates emotional distance without emotional coldness.
Redefine your role. Just because you were once the “peacekeeper” or “over-giver” doesn’t mean you have to stay there. Roles can evolve.
Limit exposure if necessary. Proximity should be earned, not assumed. If it drains you, distance is a form of protection, not punishment.
Create emotional boundaries. You can love someone and still say “no” to their behavior or access to your inner world.
Choose how much of yourself you share. Not everyone needs VIP access to your vulnerability.
How you show up matters. You’re allowed to decide the terms on which a relationship exists. That doesn’t make you cold or unloving—it makes you conscious.
Food for Thought
Eventually, I learned to enter relationships with caution—not out of fear, but through discernment. Life taught me, often the hard way, that:
Trust is the foundation of every lasting connection, but it must be earned—not handed out freely.
The benefit of the doubt should be offered with care, not as a default.
It’s useless to polish potential in people who don’t see it in themselves..
Through my encounters, today I no longer use the term “friend” or "family" lightly. And while you might call me a loner—because my circle is so small it’s nearly invisible—I’ve learned the immeasurable value of quality over quantity. At the heart of it all, relationships are mirrors—some reflect who we are, others who we’re becoming, and a few show us who we no longer wish to be.
If holistic lifestyle content — from spirituality and personal growth — speaks to you, I invite you to join the growing community by subscribing to the website. In the next post, we’ll continue uncovering the many facets of life and the deeper lessons that shape us all
Regardless of their form, every relationship shapes us in some way, revealing truths we didn’t yet see in ourselves; they're an invitation to grow, to reflect, to protect our peace, and to love more consciously. It’s not about cutting people off at the first sign of discomfort, nor is it about tolerating harm for the sake of connection. It’s about honoring yourself enough to engage with others from a place of clarity, not obligation. You have the power to define your relationships, to choose which ones deserve your energy, and to release the ones that don’t. Every relationship you invest in—chosen or inherited—can be by choice. That choice is yours—and it is sacred. Sit with that.
As an author and curious seeker, I’m passionate about holistic living and the ever-evolving journey of self-discovery. Through my writing, I share lessons, experiences, and reflections on growth and transformation—inviting others to explore along the way.
Here’s to striking the balance, unearthing truth and embracing the authentic self.
Let's Evolve Together.
Jebu Vivet
Founder of E.I.R.E.
